Soulmates: Compatibility or Codependency...
Or an evil other third thing?
My lovely readers, I fear the theme of my blog has transformed into strictly dating advice. I swear these are not my (conscious) intentions! I strive to keep my platform as general as possible, my content however seems to have narrowed in on this specifically. I aim to dedicate holding space to more inspiring topics but I hope if anything, this content helps anyone currently in the trenches. Ultimately, this space is for my relevant, authentic thoughts and feelings so I will lead with that with no guarantees of the outcome. Hope you enjoy and stay tuned xx.
The age old question: Do soulmates exist?
Does true love exist??? Are we tethered to one person and destined to spend our lives with them??? Are we simply ignorantly blissful in deciding on one person based on compatibility (or codependency)…
“How we need that security. How we need another soul to cling to, another body to keep us warm. To rest and trust; to give your soul in confidence: I need this, I need someone to pour myself into.”
Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath
I firmly believe souls don’t meet by accident. Permanence however seems to be a taboo topic in romantic relationships. People come into your life for reasons and seasons; it’s equally beautiful and tragic. We accept that we have childhood friends, family members we only see during special occasions, so why do we put so much pressure on our romantic partners to be there through it all forever and always? I’ve never looked at people as permanent because time and time again they’ve proven not to be. Maybe I’ve been dealt an unlucky hand my whole life, or perhaps it’s a universal experience I’ve accepted while some haven’t.
BREAKING DOWN CODEPENDENCY:
Codependency is often disguised as compatibility. I am reluctant to weigh in on this subject because I never want to come across as self righteous; and before you perceive me as cynical, I AM in fact a romantic at heart. I am however also aware of the realities of love after falling witness to its complexities time and time again. For example, the pandemic bred a plethora of codependent couples. Did you actually find love, or were you just so depleted of socialization that the thought of being with any person was better than the isolation that consumed you? It’s scary to subject yourself to loneliness but it’s even scarier to face the reality of an illusioned relationship. We feel a sense of control and security when we are attached to people, places etc.
Is there a healthy way to be codependent? Relationships alone aren’t always toxic however, individuals in codependent relationships most likely have underlying psychological issues they’re afraid to bring to the surface. I personally think a glass of wine, therapy and some deep introspection could solve this problem but alas you can not control people. We live and learn.
“I've been the archer
I've been the prey
Who could ever leave me, darling?
But who could stay?”
Taylor Swift, The Archer
AVOIDING CODEPENDENCY:
The sad truth is that some people are afraid of being single. We forget to nurture ourselves to the point where we become completely void of an identity. It’s easy to throw yourself into someone else than address your own needs. You can’t establish a healthy relationship without shifting focus to yourself, your desires, your wants and your needs. Oh, and stop putting your friends on the back burner to invest in a relationship! I could write an article on this subject alone because unfortunately, I have been the back burner friend (numerous times). I’ve experienced the most fulfilling relationships with my girlfriends. Alexa Chung in her British Vogue birthday feature took the words right out of my mouth:
Alexa Chung, British Vogue
Don’t let your loneliness be the catalyst for more hardship in your life. Nurture yourself, your friends, your work and your hobbies and the right people will fall into your life with ease.
That’s all for now…