The Dating App Purge...
Stay strong ladies.
As a follow up to my post about Cuffing Season, I’ve decided to add my two cents to the opposing phenomenon - The Dating App Purge.
When I think of dating apps, one word comes to mind - disappointment. It is inevitable yet every few months when the boredom and loneliness persists, I find myself grasping to the disillusioned sliver of hope they emit. It gets dimmer each time and I cleanse my phone of the cursed deception only to be right back where I started.
5 THINGS I’VE LEARNED FROM 5 YEARS ON DATING APPS:
Keep your standards high, and your expectations low.
You should never compromise your standards. I don’t care how desperate you are, it is the one thing that should never change when it comes to your dating approach. If you are on an app that quite literally tailors its algorithm to find you a compatible match, there is no legitimate excuse to settle.
You do not owe your date your time or peace.
I recall a first date that was SO boring I left right after I introduced myself. I didn’t give some bullshit excuse, I didn’t apologize, I just left. Which leads me to my next point:
Lying is fun!
Lying IS fun (when done correctly). If you are feeling out the vibe of a first date and you’re still unsure whether it is going anywhere - don’t get too personable right off the bat. From a safety standpoint, little white lies won’t hurt anyone. I’ve lied about where I live, my job, my school… the list goes on. This isn’t meant to be malicious - on one hand, I’ve met up with total weirdos who I wish didn’t even know my first name. On the other hand, I’m on a date with someone who is actually completely normal but I just can’t see myself pursuing (so I have a little fun…).
Pick your “spot”
Confidence can make all the difference on a first date. I personally suggest the same spot on first dates for this reason. I know where the bathroom is (so you aren’t awkwardly walking around trying to find it), I have a set, safe choice on the menu… there are many pros to this tip! An added bonus : you don’t ruin a potential favourite spot. I’ve been on countless horrible first dates to spots I end up really liking but are forever tainted by the awful memories.
Ditch the “Serial Dater” role.
I know how eagerness can manifest when it comes to dating apps. You think “on to the next” as soon as a match doesn’t work out. Leave room for reflection - what didn’t work out, and why? Perhaps your vetting system needs more filtering. Again, stop wasting your time and peace on one offs - don’t invest unless it’s worth it. It will show even before your first meeting.
For me, it’s been 5 months since my last dating app purge, and so far there is no temptation to go back. Bottom line, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. There is also nothing wrong with being in a relationship - the right relationship. If you don’t find fulfilment through yourself, your hobbies, your work, your friends etc. how will you feel fulfilled in a bare minimum relationship? Seek out people that add to your life. Block out the Mr. Big’s of the world and step into your inner Samantha Jones. (Sorry Carrie, I still love you girl… kinda).
*If you’re still reading check out the New Romantics music video directed by my talented friend Vivian (and subscribe). After all, the best people in life are free… <3